Recently I’ve been thinking more deeply about what can help you have a meaningful life at MIT. Here is my list so far:
- Goals, plans, or projects that give you a sense of purpose;
- Engaging activities that spark your passions and bring fun and play into your life;
- Relationships that support you and allow you to share your interests and experiences;
- Information that helps you navigate a new city (from the practical to the cultural).
It can be helpful to have something of your own that you can work towards that isn’t affected by your particular geographic location or your partner’s plans – call it a goal or a personal project. It should be a goal that engages you and allows you to track your progress towards an end result, a project that doesn’t depend on your partner’s schedule or job. Maybe it’s a book or blog you’ve always wanted to write, a quilt you’ve been collecting fabric for, a cause you want to contribute to, an online degree or class that you’ve always been curious about. Maybe it’s something that was difficult to access in your country like skiing or horseback riding. In the movie Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously, the author chronicles her attempt to cook all 524 recipes in America’s first celebrity chef Julia Child’s book “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” within one year. Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for? Run a marathon? Learn to knit?
It may seem contrived. It may seem a poor substitute to getting a job and moving along the track to the next level in your career. You’re smart and successful and learning how to cook all of Julia Child’s recipes just isn’t going to cut it.
But new situations require new tools and new approaches. What worked for you before may not work now. You may have to find new ways to feel competent and purposeful and connected to others. Will achieving your goal help you feel better? Yes. But the real value of pursuing a goal is the purposeful activity it generates. Being engaged in something interesting and meaningful to you is the key to cultivating positive emotions. By cultivating those positive emotions, you’ll be better able to handle the stresses of the limbo and uncertainty and feelings of purposelessness and incompetency that may arise as you navigate a new culture or try to find a job.
Mastering a new skill or learning something new is also a great way to regain feelings of competency and purpose, as well as giving you something to fill in the dreaded “gap” on your resume. By choosing a project or activity you are passionate about, you can also share that passion with others. It makes it easier to answer the “What do you do?” question when meeting new people. By having something that truly interests you to talk about, you can more easily engage other people and infect them with your excitement.
Do me a favor – don’t include getting a job or learning English on this list. Your English is going to improve regardless of whether you set it as a goal or not. And unless you want to become a certified ESOL teacher or you are a serious grammar geek, let your goal be something that you are passionate about, something you love, something you’ve always been curious about but have never had the time to pursue. Make sure you have a goal that is mostly under your control, and getting a job or having a baby is definitely not in your control. No matter how well or how badly the job search or the baby quest is going, you can feel good about the small successes and progress you’re making on your personal project.
Not sure where to start? Begin by answering these questions: What do I enjoy? What is meaningful to me? What are my strengths? As Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet, says, “Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” Take time to let the answers and ideas come to you. Who knows what other interests and passions you will discover along the way!
Don’t know how long you’ll be here? Don’t know where you are going next? Life is uncertain and maybe you’ll stay at MIT longer than you anticipated. Don’t end up regretting the projects you never started or never tried. Just get started. Break your goal into small achievable steps and take the time to acknowledge and celebrate each success. If you don’t reach your goal before you leave MIT, the beauty of creating a portable personal project means you can just take it with you.
And if you need more inspiration about getting started, check out Julia Child’s memoir “My Life in France.” She moved to France because of her husband’s job, and her love of food and French culture led her to the Cordon Bleu cooking school and a career in writing and television. She filmed her famous television show in her kitchen on Irving Street in Harvard Square. Listen to her unique and well-known voice as well as her sense of humor herehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVdI85jb8xg. Even if cooking is not your thing, Julia is an example of how to use passion to make the most of life in a new culture.
Honored to be on the journey with you,
Jennifer
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” -African proverb